The Toronto-Chicago Exchange

I was perfectly happy having posted a quiet tweet congratulating Toronto on surpassing Chicago as the 4th largest city in North America. Enter Chicago Sun-Times columnist Neil Steinberg who decided to write a “tongue in cheek” article berating Toronto claiming that to even parse the comparison to Chicago is “an insult to our city.” - referring of course to Chicago being insulted.

Okay… Someone clearly ate some bad Wheaties that morning. I don’t recall any comparison being made by our media, simply people reporting the news that Toronto’s city population surpassed that of Chicago’s (for the record the census metropolitan area for Chicago has about 3.4 million more people than Toronto’s). I was fine with letting that article slide too. Clearly he was feeling threatened for whatever reason and felt the need to attack unprovoked. I have come to expect this sort of attitude from media within the United States. What really has inspired this response are the tweets he sent afterward. Here are some examples: “In general, their responses were sadly flaccid and flailing. Not an ounce of wit among them, apparently.” “It was humor. You missed that. Nothing “bitter” about it. Like most Americans, I couldn’t care less what happens in Canada.”

Well that’s it! Someone hold my rings and take my weave cause the nails are coming off and the claws are coming out. 

Dear Mr. Steinberg, 

You claimed that your recent article was simply humor (or as every other English speaking country in the world spells it, humour) and that you’re sorry we missed that. Perhaps in Chicago slapping someone in the face while insulting them and spreading lies about them constitutes humor , here in Toronto we have a little more class - as the beginning of your article clearly points out. 

Torontonians have no desire to put Chicago down, its a beautiful city that has lots to offer. Phenomenal jazz, a wonderful skyline, a beautiful waterfront (which admittedly I am jealous of and hope Toronto will one day have something similar to), and your canals throughout the city are magnificent. So I’m not quite sure where your vitriol is coming from for my fair Toronto. One thing is for sure you are clearly ignorant about it and I’m not going to sit back and have have you spread that ignorance as if you were working for Fox News. 

Tim Horton’s is the only thing that we have? Now maybe when you visited the city you were blind and deaf, perhaps bed ridden and not able to venture outside - I don’t know your life. Here’s a little education in Toronto though, because you obviously lack it.

1. Toronto has the world’s 3rd largest theatre scene (yeah we beat you there too). 
2. We have the World’s 3rd largest, North America’s largest, Pride parade (I don’t even know when Chicago’s is, but then again the LGBT community there is still relegated to second class status so it’s sort of a moot point)
3. Caribana, or The Toronto Caribbean Carnival 2013, is North America’s largest cultural festival.
4. The second largest film festival in the world, Toronto International Film Festival (where does Chicago’s rank?). 
5. 87 other events and festivals. 
6. Toronto boasts 27 museums (including the Royal Ontario Museum and the Hockey Hall of Fame).

   

   
7. 4 major league sports teams (6 if you include the CFL Argos and NFL Buffalo Bills who play games here).
8. 139 art galleries (including the Art Gallery of Ontario).

9. 363 parks.
   
10. 4 Zoos and an Aquarium opening this year.
11. The Ontario Science Centre.
    
12. The Distillery District -  largest collection of Victorian-era industrial architecture in North America.
13. National Geographic’s rated #1 food market in the world - St. Lawrence Market.

14. The city is also host to thousands of restaurants - ranging from world class (North 44, Momofuko) to mom and pop (Dangerous Dan’s, Rosedale Diner). Not to mention hundreds of bars and night clubs.  

As for our nondescript sculpture to multiculturalism (pictured in the first two below), at least we have one. Then again we probably need it more than you considering Toronto is the most multicultural city in the world. I guess you missed the 100s of other sculptures that can be found throughout the city. 

I’m not sure what your beef is with our skyline, personally I find both Chicago’s and Toronto’s to be breathtaking but then again as I mentioned earlier you might have been blind when you visited. 

Again your ignorance presents itself when it comes to songs about Toronto. Drake, Bare Naked Ladies, Neil Young, Tragically Hip, Gordon Lightfoot, K-OS, Ronny Hawkins, The Guess Who, Metric, and Rush are just a few of the artists who have sung about Toronto. So how many are there about Chicago not counting the musical? As for movies and TV shows considering that they are American-centric I’m not sure why you’d mention it but okay: Rookie Blue, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Driven, Chloe, Crash, Devil, The Hurricane, Flashpoint, Love Guru, Last Night, Take This Waltz, Touch of Pink, Degrassi, The Border, Breakfast With Scot, Being Erica, and the Listener.  

Yes you guys have Oprah, but then again you needed someone to make up for Jerry Springer.  

“Like most Americans, I couldn’t care less what happens in Canada”, this is actually degrading to many of your countrymen. It speaks to the stigma of being self-centered and ignorant that has been placed on Americans by the rest of the world. This is not the fault of anyone outside of USA but rather your education system and media. 

I could go on about how in Chicago people have to fight tooth and nail to be treated as equals to have the same rights whereas we here in Toronto are a little more evolved and everyone has equal rights. I could talk about about the fact that in 2012 Chicago had 506 murders to Toronto’s 54 (seriously).  Or that Toronto currently has about 140 high-rises and skyscrapers under construction (the most in the western hemisphere) vs. Chicago’s 17. How Toronto has ranked higher than Chicago in the Mercer Quality of Living Report, North Americas Smartest Cities, Startup Genome’s Worlds Top Startup Ecosystems, KPMG’s ranking of the World’s Most Business Competitive Global Cities, and the Economist’s ranking of the World’s Most Livable Cities. I could also point our that other Canadian cities, Montreal, Vancouver, and Calgary have also ranked higher in many cases (but then again you probably aren’t familiar with those Olympic cities as you never pay attention to anything outside your borders). But, to use your own words; it would only jab at some nice people who, as it is, already sit crouched in slush with their hands locked around their knees, gazing poutingly over the border to the north, paralyzed with envy, disdain and longing over our equal rights, universal healthcare, strong economy and healthy banking system, low crime rates, friendly and polite attitudes, pristine lakes, expansive virgin forests and breathtaking wilderness. 

You’ll excuse me while I guffaw and roll my eyes over your childlike reaction to news of Toronto taking 4th spot that I can only guess spawned some sort of unnecessary inferiority complex in you. 

You can have your nasty-ass deep dish pizza that hides the taste of the toppings you put on it. I’ll take equality, multiculturalism, world-class theatre, and a lower crime rate any day.

Now excuse me while I put on the sound track of Chicago (filmed in Toronto) and head on down to my doctor while I get some tests done just for the hell of it, it’s free after all.  

Kisses.